so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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