she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
