you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
