two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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