apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
