Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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