My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
