Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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