I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How's work?
Spinning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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