You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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