sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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