the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
