Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
