u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
