I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
