sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
