tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
