Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
