so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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