She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
