I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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