Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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