You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
