I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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