Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
