I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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