So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
