i don't like sucking hair
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
