I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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