You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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