I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
