I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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