Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
