I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
