He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
