so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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