Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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