pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
