I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do herpes really smell.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
