hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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