No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
