Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
