my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
