I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
