After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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