Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
