PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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