if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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