I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
