the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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