I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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